This morning and the rain was so very lovely. Slow lovely morning, magical almost. I read for a bit while the littles played, boys did Legos and Bigs sat next to me and read her own book. They constantly interrupted me while I read but I chose to not be irritated or give up but rather chose to delight in my lovely circus.
I'm reading Liturgy of the Ordinary and it's thought provoking and yet not too hard on my mushy mom brain. There's something so beautiful and deep and meaningful that I'm finding in liturgy. I went to a liturgical church growing up and being rebellious I wrote it off and refused to be confirmed. I had my reasons and some were legit but I could have gone to learn had I had a soft heart rather than a rebellious one. I love how everything weaves together to point to the cross. There's an intentionality that I think I may have been missing my entire life.
I'm slightly haunted by this book. In it the author sites a study done that showed that people would rather illicit a painful shock to themselves than sit alone quietly. Constant information, entertainment, news, stimulus, connection, etc. No wonder why I flounder around aimlessly at times. There's a constant pull to be right in the middle of the hub-bub. I think it also explains why I'm desperately yearning for a simple and quite kind of life. Our days are marked by the rhythms and the mundane of daily life. Why not do those well as if doing those for the Lord rather than rushing busyness that ends in nothing but chasing of the wind. I don't know. I feel like I had settled in on some meaningful to me thoughts but now that the day has ended they elude me once again.
Thankful for today. For the rhythms that are starting to come together again. For a mostly orderly house even if not "clean" that will be destroyed and need to be picked up once again. For my children. They are becoming some of the funniest little people I know. They take after their Dad.
I also sit in sorrow over one. The thoughts that plague her and steal joy and peace right from under her. I read a seven year old manifesto written by her. Boldness and courage and her lovely fiery spirit. Oh how the locusts have come and feasted. I hate it. Yet what if this is the thing that causes her to cling to Christ? What if this ailment is the very thing that keeps her humble and compassionate and full of mercy for others. If anxiety is the very thing that causes her to experience a fullness in Christ in this life even if that means being hobbled do I wish it away? Could the very thing Satan tries to use as a curse end up being a gift? Oh how it pains a Momma's heart. I want to punch this sinful world in the face and yet I can breath deeply knowing that Jesus holds my precious girl in His hands and loves her more deeply than I could possibly imagine. He will lead us and guide us because He also holds us in His hands and loves us more than we could ever imagine.
"Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ, who gave himself for our sins to deliver us from the present evil age, according to the will of our God and Father,"
Galatians 1:3-4 ESV
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