Thursday, August 31, 2017

Scratch and Itch

Lovely family day at the Arboretum. Had to take advantage of the last dollar day. I'm itching from head to toe and my sinuses are angry but worth it. Ran into a sweet family we love while we were there. Unfortunately, my longing to have extended time out in nature is only stronger now. Need to book some time in a tent or a cabin this fall.

Chewing on lots of thoughts this evening. The mysteries of the Lord are so vast and so great. There's so little that I actually know.

Been mulling over addiction and following Christ for many reasons. Too many reasons to write out tonight. Still very much moved by being in Philly and talking to a heroin addict who loved Jesus. She could have been full of crap as lots of addicts can be full of but I do believe their are addicts that love Jesus and yet can't walk away from addiction. I'm addicted to many things myself, they are just more socially acceptable. Nobody is going to arrest me for a sugar addiction or for doing any number of vices that I am compelled to do. I know already some of my kids are set up to have addictive personalities. Knowing that is part terrifying but I have to surrender them to the Lord. What if an addiction is the very thing that ties a person to Christ? I don't get God and as CS Lewis wrote "He is not safe but He is good". Those words have really resonated with me lately.

Also chewing on a dear friend's image of heart surgery and things needing to be removed in order for Him to pour back in. I like another friend know I need time and space away but I know that being left to myself could be pretty painful. I feel it and I know it's there even if I don't fully understand it. Sometimes it feels as if I were to start to cry I might never stop.

Psalm 19. Tried to read DAniel tonight but just couldn't do it. But this falls more in line with my heart tonight.

"How can I know all the sins lurking in my heart? Cleanse me from these hidden faults. Keep your servant from deliberate sins! Don't let them control me. Then I will be free of guilt and innocent of great sin."
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭19:12-13‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Thankful for random chit chat of a spontaneous camping trip. My soul could use it.


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Wednesday, August 30, 2017

I Scream! You Scream!

Ice cream made this day a whole lot better. Our house is mostly kid clean but other than that I feel like I got nothing done. Drives me bonkers bc I have plenty to get done. I really wish it was already spit spot so I could take time to recharge. Instead I'm rushing to tie up loose ends and I already feel like I'm running on fumes. But that's life. Sometimes you get dreamy, sometimes you get ideal and sometimes you get leftovers. The beautiful thing is that regardless of what you get God can take the crappy leftovers and use it. I'm hoping He takes my meager smashed loaves and the tiny fish and do something with it.

Today I'm thankful for the reminder that even leftovers are lovely with the Lord. A quiet building with the only noise of humming lights and AC. I'm thankful for seeing sweet friends tonight and eating free yummy ice cream.

AND thankful for my hubs getting work. As the end of the month neared I was wondering how things would shake out. Two gigs popped up on the radar today. I know He's got this but seeing dear friends struggle so much lately and knowing that anything can happen it has been hard to not question what's around the bend. God can provide for us all He wants to but He could also choose to let us sit in a heap of ashes as well. He's good either way and His provision would be present either way it's just that it's hard not to be Peter sometimes. Peter is supposedly an ENFP like me. I always want to be a Paul but Peter is who I am.

Daniel 7-9. I want to be a woman of prayer. Daniel prayed powerfully and he was heard. I know I'm heard yet I feel as if my prayer lacks much. Need to keep a prayer journal. I know I struggle with prayer apathy at times or rather lots of times.


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Tuesday, August 29, 2017

Tick Toc

Rapidly running out of time to pull myself together to get ready for this school year. Good start today but super frustrated at the chaos that unfolded while trying to focus on something other than kids for the day. Children do not like to keep clean places clean. I want to throw away ALL OF THE THINGS!

I'm really exhausted so a good nights sleep would probably turn my frustrated and overwhelmed attitude into a more pleasant one. Really all I want to do though is eat the entire plate of brownies a neighbor brought over instead.

Need to time away to sit before the Lord and truly evaluate screen time. I see the glowing zombie faces everywhere and I'm one of them. I don't want this evil phone stealing away precious time that I will simply never get back. My time is too short with my people, my friends and my family to waste away on insignificant things.

Tonight I'm thankful for Mudgey giggles. The sleepy groaning grunts of a precious baby and for a four year old who decided on her own that she wanted to sleep with the big kids. I'm thankful for happy hugs from sweet five year olds.

Jude. Wow. Lots and lots to mull over in this book. I definitely realize that the older I get the less and less I seem to know. Thankful for grace.

"And you must show mercy to those whose faith is wavering. Rescue others by snatching them from the flames of judgment. Show mercy to still others, but do so with great caution, hating the sins that contaminate their lives."
‭‭Jude‬ ‭1:22-23‬ ‭NLT‬‬


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Monday, August 28, 2017


We celebrated this sweet things bday today. I adore this girl.

Saturday, August 26, 2017

Baby Cakes

1. Too tired to think of a title. Thankful my little baby cakes was so good tonight while catching up with dear friends.

2. Life is so very hard. I'm thankful for Jesus.

3. I'm really tired.

4. Thankful my hubs is home, for TW0 solo trips to the store today, and time away this evening. Much needed.

5. Psalm 18
Thankful He is my rock

"The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety."
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭18:2‬ ‭NLT‬‬


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Friday, August 25, 2017

And All Is Right With The World

1. My hubs is home again, home again, jig jiggity jig! Praying for both of our re-entries. Thankful that all is right with the world again.

2. Bummed at my poor communication skills that totally messed up kids treasure Boxes at RPL today. I'm quite certain not everything was printed and things were put in the wrong boxes. Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!

3. Watched a play from a year ago that the kids were in. They have grown so much in so many ways the past year. It goes by so very very fast.

4. Hurricane Harvey. Wowzers. I'm in awe how a storm that didn't bat an eye turned into a huge beast in a matter of a couple days. He is powerful and yet speaks to us in a whisper.

5. Today was hard as I was trying to order books so we can start the week of Labor Day and freaking out over my RPL blunder. Last day is always the hardest.

6. Basking in the joys of abundant grace tonight though. Thankful for a roof over our heads and full bellies. God please be with those in the path of Harvey.

Matthew 22
The wedding feast is rather unnerving. My heart sinks at the thought of those who are asked to the banquet but refuse to go. Jesus may hearts be softened and may they have eyes to see you.


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Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Ice Cream Before Bed Is Always A Horrible Idea

1. The bigs first night of youth group. So many thoughts. What an amazing girl she is growing up to be.

2. Big boys first night of GAP 45. That biggest boy is always game for absolutely anything. He's growing up to be such a great boy. I need to pray more to have eyes for the middle big boy. I'm at a loss most of the time with him. I need to get out heart strings connected once more.

3. The middle girl has been a wild hot mess. I realized today she was one of the ones who got lost in the chaos of the past three years the most. Sweet precious wild girl.

4. I've felt like dem dry bones spiritually lately. I've gone through the motions but the Lord has seemed so very distant. I'm certain I've been the one who has been distant. Not willing to trust what may be lurking ahead in the road. I'm too old to be naive about life and yet not wise enough to see just how God uses suffering in the most wonderful of ways. I know He uses it all but still lack a full picture.

5. Listened to several chapters of Luke tonight. I hope my eyes are fixed on heavenly things. I'm certain that enough of the world has my attention but I hope to have eyes more centered on what is eternal. So hard.


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Tuesday, August 22, 2017


Thankful for friends and good conversation today. Slightly horrified at the thought of people in hell being able to see those that are in heaven but not vice versa. I've never really thought about it. I feel as if hell will be miserable enough on its own without having to look upon what you've rejected.

Another rough night last night. Exhausted. Kids finally settled. Lazarus and then hopefully sleep. Want to love these babies well tomorrow but need some solid winks of sleep in order to do it.


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Monday, August 21, 2017

Watch Out It's The Minotaur! Nevermind It's Just Mombie.

1. The bedtime crazy and whine fest tonight was a sight to behold. Now that the shriekers are sleeping I'm totally bummed. Lacked compassion and have not been the Momma I so desire to be. I'm just so darn tired. Why do they go on a sleep strike when I need sleep the most? After all the night wakings last night when my sweet three year old asked for water I yelled that we were all out of water.

2. Last Green Gables show. I'll be honest I wasn't sure how it was going to fly with new cast members, missing members, and a changed script. It was totally fine. I love what changes and mess ups in theatre are teaching my minions. If life is the stage then curve balls are to be expected.

3. I'm too tired to think. But thankful for sweet friends who came to watch my Brownies today. Thankful for Sum Bruerras. Thankful for the provision of eclipse shades. Thankful to see God's power and might displayed in the heavens today. Thankful that tomorrow when I wake up His mercies will be new and hopefully I'll have more patience and compassion for my Brownies.

4. My Bitty Kitty turns four tomorrow. Since we are not observing it quite yet and she's clueless I don't have to fully let it sink in. Still bummed how much compassion and hugs I lacked for her today.

5. "How the king rejoices in your strength, O Lord! He shouts with joy because you give him victory."
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭21:1‬ ‭NLT‬‬

God give me victory tomorrow. Let me rest in your strength and love these precious babies well.


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Sunday, August 20, 2017


1. Wowzers was today ever a Grouchathon, myself included. Hopefully I can get these minions caught up on sleep in the upcoming days. My prospects are not looking so hot judging by Little Boy Blue the last couple hours.

2. Got everyone up and out the door for church. Such sweetness to see the community God has placed around us and dear friends.

3. Was struck with such intense sadness today and I was reminded of the time I felt the Lord sweetly tell me that I wasn't going to be able to protect my kids from everything and that keeping them safe wasn't ultimately the right goal. My kids have been crushed and they will continue to be crushed because suffering is part of this life here on earth. My job is to teach them and model to them that despite our suffering, anguish and pain here on earth He is still on His throne and He is faithful and good all of the time. Regardless, it is so hard to see sweet babies grieving. I do want to protect kids from pain. I want to protect my dear friends from pain.

4. I think it's time for Little Boy Blue to head to the nursery on Sunday so I can be more engaged. Makes me so sad though. You would think that it wouldn't.

5. Youth group meeting today. Still can't even fully comprehend that this is our world now. How did my baby grow up so fast?

Still trying to process all of today's information. I loved hearing about the virtues class for sixth graders on Sunday morning. But I've really enjoyed having my kids in the service. I see much value in both. Much praying ahead.

I am super bummed about the social media piece. I know it's the world we live in and teens use social media blah, blah, blah. We have to stay "relevant" and "connected". Yet I feel as if there's more that we could be offering youth by bucking the system. These kids only know a world filled with parents glued to their phones and they have grown up with all kinds of electronic gadgets and gizmos themselves. It's all fake though. None of it is truly real and at the core of our being I think we desperately long for genuine connection. What if that is what we gave youth instead of bells and whistles and snap chat and instagram. Shouldn't the church go in the opposite direction of what is happening in our culture? This constant connectedness is not good. It's horrible for kids. Why does the church embrace it also? Better yet, why do I?

And with all my rambled mess I also know that I know nothing. Just because I'm bothered by the social media and by the youth group that doesn't suck I can trust the Lord to continue to lead and guide us. I don't have to throw the baby out with the bath water. I can embrace the beautiful mess of experiencing beauty in the church and the realization that until Jesus comes back there is no church that isn't affected by sinful man.

6."Cry out for insight, and ask for understanding."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭2:3‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Love how the Lord shows up.


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Saturday, August 19, 2017

Caffeine Doesn't Affect Them She Said

1. Never give a toddler Coke at after 10pm. It turns them into a gremlin. Trust me on this one. Thankful that my little gremlin finally fell asleep at 12am. Church is going to be a blast tomorrow.

2. Got to watch Act One of Green Gables and snippets of Act Two. Thankful for sweet Momma's willing to hold a fussy baby and watch a Mudge.

My bigs. Oh my bigs. There are so many thoughts. The girl that was on stage tonight is most definitely not the same girl would was on stage a year ago. I kept thinking of that precious baby we held eleven years ago and I can't believe she's the same girl I watched tonight. Time goes by so very very fast.

3. All is silent. Thankful.

4. 1 Peter 5 but struggling to keep my eyes open. But submitting to authority and humility. Two of my strong suits. Unfortunately submitting to authority is a struggle of my little minions. Oy.


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Friday, August 18, 2017

Not My Matthew!

1. I'm glad to report that I did not wail during Matthew Cuthbert's death tonight. He wasn't my Matthew. I still can't believe how much that messed me up.

2. I don't know what to even think about my oldest. I've watched an occasional rehearsal and we've run lines together at home. She gets on stage and bam she gets an edge. Is there nothing that girl can't do? I'm pretty sure she's the most adorable Anne that there ever was.

3. Proud of my minions and so fun to watch them love doing their thing. I don't know what to do with all of it but it's fun none the less. Thankful for RPL and for discovering some of their talents that we otherwise wouldn't have discovered.

4. My Lukey Boy. My heart soared for him tonight. All my kids did great but I praise God for a win for him. I can't believe I've been blessed with all of these sweet ones. So unique and special in their own ways. I am rich indeed.

5. Hormones indeed off. Thankfully not nearly as weepy today although still very heavy hearted today for dear ones.

6. This is so relevant these days:

"Don't repay evil for evil. Don't retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will grant you his blessing."
‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭3:9‬ ‭NLT‬‬


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Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Loss Of Words

I am so broken hearted for a loved one tonight. Grief and pain can be so incredibly lonely and yet the times when the Lord feels so incredibly close. Jesus hold my precious friend. Provide for her moment by moment. May she tangibly feel your presence and your faithful loving kindness.

"For God is pleased when, conscious of his will, you patiently endure unjust treatment."
‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭2:19‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Good verse and reminder for me tonight.


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Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Wedge MaGee: Spooky Pants

1. My kids crack me up. My five year old asked me if she could pant on her pants that had a hole in them this morning. I answered okay? But told her I needed a cup of coffee before the painting of the pants commenced. The pants painting never happened but I later found out why she requested such an off thing. The big boys painted a face on a pair of old pants and named it Wedge MaGee. Wedge MaGee are a pair of spooky pants and are used to scare the two brown eyed children in BrownTown. I found Wedge hanging on a hanger guarding the boys room. There is never a dull moment.

2. My hormones must be out of whack because I have been a total mess today. I have felt off the last couple days and wondering if things are off kilter or trying to regulate. Today I felt Baby bluesy. My favorite. I can't listen to some of the songs in the play my kids are in because I start wanting to weep. Watching my Matthew Cuthbert die messed me up and probably for many reasons.
- The idea of one of my kids dying is more than I can bear. Just can't even.
- Putting my hubs in Matthew's place. I always say that I'm going first. Obviously I have no control over such things. The thought of one day loosing my greatest love is too much for my hormonal self.
- That got me thinking about my neighbor Miss Charlotte. We've watched as her possessions are being sold and sometime soon her house will be sold as well. Too old to live by herself. We are but a vapor.

Interestingly enough I read 1 Peter 1 today.

"As the Scriptures say, "People are like grass; their beauty is like a flower in the field. The grass withers and the flower fades. But the word of the Lord remains forever." And that word is the Good News that was preached to you."
‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭1:24-25‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I'm thankful that the word of the Lord lasts forever. Staring at the realities of humanity today has been heavy, oh so very heavy.

- I know I haven't fully processed the death of my Grandma either. Watching someone die is an interesting mix of beauty and trauma. I don't know. I'm not sure I'll ever fully be able to wrap my head around that one.

3. Today I found out my mil felt sad about not knowing about the kids play coming up. I've just gotten so used to nobody showing up or nobody to show up that's family that I don't even think about telling family. This too makes me sad.

4. Last night my hubs and I talked briefly of more loss from almost three years ago. It has been a loss so far reaching and wide. Ah! That might be the reason for my crazy and the overwhelming feeling of loss. Three year anniversary coming up soon. Lots of healing but the ripples still affecting our lives and will continue to for a very long time and for one in particular. Yep. This is indeed the source of my overwhelming sense of grief today. Hurray for feeling all the feels. Blech!

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Monday, August 14, 2017


I'm really tired. My kids are acting like the energizer bunny. Maybe the frosties after play practice is not such a good idea. Love these minions just wish they had a mute button. One day I'll miss all their noise after 9pm. Why must they grow up so fast!?

Started reading a Devo on prayer. Feel spiritually flat these days.

AH! Hubs just walked in the door! Quite the surprise!


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Sunday, August 13, 2017


1. Thankful for a fantastical weekend. So many things to give thanks for. 

2. My bigs, oh my sweet precious bigs. This weekend she became the Green Gables make-up artist extraordinaire. She did several sweet girls make-up all weekend. Then today she served me by watching her two baby brothers while I sat and watched my big boys do their thing. Compliments galore on how she handled a hangry baby like a champ. That girl has her struggles but man if she didn't she might be a prideful twerp. I hate anxiety and I hate that is a word she is all too familiar with but despite it she's still thriving and such a talented and kind hearted compassionate girl. Can't believe I get to be her Momma.

3. My boys! Again I just can't get over what an amazing job all three of them did. 

As you can tell, middle big was fired up to take a picture. Ready for him to grow out of the "I hate to take pictures" phase. 

I got crazy choked up again today watching my Matthew die. Will be interesting to see if I have the same reaction when I watch a Matthew that isn't mine die. It will still be sad because dang it, it is but something about my kid playing that role had my heart up in knots. Can't even go there. 

4. I was a grumpy turd tonight when my crazies wouldn't settle down and then a kid broke a silverware drawer. I finally calmed down and had some sweet moments with my big babies. My time with them is slipping through my fingers. I hate getting so bent out of shape over stupid stuff. Time is slipping away. Time I will never get back. Makes me want to fling this horrid phone to the end of the ocean. I don't want to miss a moment of them. Overwhelmed by how blessed I am. 

5. I've missed my littles this week. So interesting to have bigs, littles and middles. The gap continues to widen. The bigs are still very content to be with everyone. I know the day is coming when it will be harder to have a family day where everyone is content. Thankful for the gift of today and the right here and now. 

6. These verses are beautiful to me tonight. Doesn't hurt that I'm listening to the sound of ocean waves.

"He calmed the storm to a whisper and stilled the waves. What a blessing was that stillness as he brought them safely into harbor!"
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭107:29-30‬ ‭NLT‬‬


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Saturday, August 12, 2017

Green Gables Greatness

1. I don't quite have words for how fantastic today was. I just had two kids to help get ready and had the help of my bigs. She was amazingly helpful not only to me but to others. She cheered on her brothers and took much delight in watching them do their thing. It was delightful. The only thing that wasn't delightful was the amount of funtastic diapers I had to change through out it all.

2. My boys did so lovely! My oldest has so much fun playing Matthew and I got totally choked up watching him in the scene when he dies. I'm tearing up now just thinking about it. Too much. Oh and my little hambone. He had the audience in stitches today. You better believe he loved every single minute of it and so did I. And my Lukey Boy worked so hard at stage crew. That kid might have had the biggest win of them all. So very very thankful. Loved today so very much.

3. "He remembered his covenant with them and relented because of his unfailing love."
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭106:45‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I'm thankful the Lord is slow to anger and is faithful even when we are not. Oh how wonderful is His unfailing love.


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Friday, August 11, 2017

The Final Countdown

1. My kids have been listening to the song Final Countdown a lot lately. No clue why. It's funny. Tonight was the Final Countdown as tomorrow is the first big Green Gables Day.

2. Loooooong day after a looooong night of three little sweet peas taking turns playing "keep the 'rents up". Thankful for sweet help here and there all day.

3. Big day for a couple Brownies tomorrow. I might cry. I really hope my smalls cooperate better tomorrow than they did today. Poor things are exhausted.

4. Loved this reminder to continually search for the Lord. We can see Him if we slow down enough to look. I'm not detail oriented usually but the Lord weaves every last detail together for His glory and for our benefit. Today He gave me eyes to see keys that had fallen in a random place today. Never would have found them in a million years if I hadn't spotted them. Thankful for His grace today. May I remember the memorial stones. May I search for the Lord daily and have eyes to see His daily provision.

"Search for the Lord and for his strength; continually seek him."
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭105:4‬ ‭


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Thursday, August 10, 2017

Screaming Banshees

1. My littles were a tad bit overtired tonight and it sounded like we had a pack of screaming banshees living in our home. Bit and Mudge are going to be quite the duo.

2. Fun day for the kids and myself with sun and sweet precious friends. The Lord has been so gracious to us.

3. Heart hurts for a friend who has had a really hard season. I know what it feels like to be hit with wave upon wave. I'm thankful that even in the depths of utter weariness He is always there even when it feels as if He isn't. The Lord can take our fear, our doubt, our anger, our questions. Thankful for the Lord's great patience and kindness with us.

4. "And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God."
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭3:18-19‬ ‭NLT‬‬

God give me the power to understand your great love more and more.


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Wednesday, August 09, 2017

Amazing Grace

1. Finish line for Green Gables. So excited to see it all come together. Still lots of work left to do headed up to the finish line. This was my favorite part of today besides seeing my Best Beloved.

Tuesday, August 08, 2017


1. No other kiddos sick. I should not have written that but I will give thanks for the rest of us getting out unscathed so far.

2. Thankful for the gift of food and fellowship tonight. Loved watching my kids run around the house with friends and hearing my bigs belt it out with a kindred spirit.

3. Beautiful moon tonight. Kids mentioned camping tonight. Feeling really nature deprived and camping would be so good for my soul. Hard not to be awed by the Lord when all creation shouts His name.

4. Speaking of being in awe. Still very very much in awe of this:

"Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure."
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭1:4-5‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Chosen. For a girl who has struggled with abandonment issues, these words are like a precious balm to the heart. Chosen. Adopted. Those weren't words given to me growing up and yet the Lord chose to bestow His loving kindness upon me and adopt me into His family. Amazing.


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Monday, August 07, 2017

And That's A Wrap

1. Woke up to a puking kid. So insanely thankful things didn't get rolling till the morning.

2. Had a kid punch fear in the face today. Oh how I hate anxiety and it's evil overlord OCD. Prayed hard about wisdom on how much to push, how to be compassionate and empathetic, and hate it as much as my kiddo does. I knew having a sick throwing up kiddo had the potential to be a huge victory. Thankful for God's grace to get my sweet kiddo through the door to practice. I know the next couple of days are going to feel like setbacks but the long game says huge win even if in the short game we experience some setbacks.

3. Thankful Maui wasn't actively sick for very long. He was cramming food into his sweet little toddler mouth by the afternoon. He'd fade off and on but on the mend. I'm going to pretend like I don't hear his stomach singing to me right now.

4. Found the funniest videos of this kid on my phone.

Sunday, August 06, 2017

All Is Quiet

All is quiet in BrownTown and I'm thankful. This is a loud house. But better a loud house than an always quiet house. Tonight I give thanks for the silence and for the noise.

Next two weeks are crazy production weeks. So many projects to try to knock out and finish. School to plan. Schedules and meal plans to figure out. It's a beautiful life, a beautiful, beautiful life.

Fell into a homeschool wormhole. Trying to figure out which reading program to get for my dyslexic minions. I'm half tempted to just teach three all together. One is going to be like her oldest brother. She'll catch on quick. The other two will be more difficult but the bigger of the two is really ready and the middle one is so very eager to learn and will work his butt off. I could see benefits to teaching them together as well as cons. The cons would be huge though if taken the wrong way. So I'll pray. The Lord is so very gracious. Need to get middles paperwork in for Scottish Rite too.

No church today which I'm sad about. Made a call knowing it would have been a crazy rush to go and get everything done to get my hubs out the door. Although we didn't make it, I can't express how thankful I am to be sad about missing. The Lord has been so very gracious and compassionate with our hearts. Along with schedules and such I really want to figure out this Sabbath thing. I think it's so very important. Work and pray six days a week and pray and rest for one.

Romans 12. So very very good. Pondering how to really love others tonight. Interestingly enough this chapter also contains the gifting the Lord has given people. I feel like I've got nothing to offer these days. Yet I do long to not just say that I love people but to really do it and do it tangibly. I have a couple friends who are really good at serving others. I really kinda stink at that. So thankful for my friends that are so good at it. Helps me get better at it.

"Don't just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other."
‭‭Romans‬ ‭12:9-10‬ ‭NLT‬‬


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Saturday, August 05, 2017


Thanks to Disney and my oldest offspring BAM WHAT is what is rolling around in my head in response to homemade baked bread. My hubs and my bigs are amazing. Our homemade sour dough starter may have a name.

More work today moving around clothes and trying to organize the family closet and emptying the soon to be Cloffice. Hoping we can continue to purge while making/creating more useable space and quiet areas for schooling kids to retreat and for parents to hide.

Fading fast here. Psalm 56 is so great.

"For you have rescued me from death; you have kept my feet from slipping. So now I can walk in your presence, O God, in your life-giving light."
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭56:13‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Hopeful that Cal-a-bunga will sleep well tonight.


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Friday, August 04, 2017

The Glowing Devil

1. Fall is coming and I need to figure out my plan to get rid of the glowing devil in my hand. In my head having to get on an actual computer will help. Less rabbit holes perhaps? We just need to pack it up and pack it in and move far far away from internet connection. Yet all forms of communication tend to come via the damn beast. I hate it!

2. I need to cut out dairy. I don't know why that feels crazy hard but it does. I don't know if it's a bad combination of teething and reflux but poor Cal has been struggling lately. Still not ready to pour drugs down this little boy so dairy I must give up. I may cry enough to float down a river of my own tears.

3. Green Gables crazy has officially started. Just in time for my hubs own busy season. We do crazy really well around here! I do think this will be my favorite play at RPL. Pretty sure I might cry through the whole darn thing.

4. Feeling pretty loopy today. Thankfully I wasn't up for long stretches last night just constant awakenings. Poor sweet baby who is four months today. How is that possible?

5. This is day two eating food from the WM. I will hardly ever pass up an offer of food especially when it's in mass quantities. Yet, I'm still perplexed by it greatly. Thankful for how it served as a birthday lunch feast, as my kids called it, and lunch and dinner today.

6. Delighting in this tonight:
"And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns."
‭‭Philippians‬ ‭1:6‬ ‭NLT‬‬


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Thursday, August 03, 2017

46 in 11

I did the math and we've celebrated 46 kid birthdays in the past 11 years. When Bigs is 18 we will have celebrated 106 kid birthday days. That is crazy.

He's Two

My Mudgey Boy is two today. He doesn't know because we are celebrating his fake birthday tomorrow but he's two nonetheless. Oh how that precious boy has lived up to his name. He was a great comfort in the midst of a painful season. He is a fiery one but such a funny and sweet one too. I can't imagine our lives without our precious boy. The Lord has been so gracious to us and oh so good to our family. Speaking of family, several siblings stayed up to help with Birthday surprises. They love celebrating the littles and find such sweet ways to help celebrate them. They are going to be grumpy pants tomorrow though. Birthday naps for all! Hurray! I sure wish I could bottle up this little boy and keep him two forever.

Busy day. Good day. Sweet family night at church tonight. Simple but such sweetness and lots of diversity in age and culture. The youth sponsored the evening so lots of youth around. Still can't believe my bigs will be youth group age. Full circle moment for sure. There is a part of me chomping at the bit to help out. But alas, I think my girl needs to find her wings solo. In the meantime I'll have my PATH punks to scratch that youth group itch. But seriously how can it be that bigs will be in sixth, my sweet Mudgey will be two and my baby girl will turn four in a couple weeks. Time please slow down!

Speaking of the littlest lady in BrownTown. That girl is showing no signs of wanting to potty train. She is the complete opposite of my biggest girl in that regard. Three in full time diapers is not my idea of the high life but I'm certain she won't still be wearing diapers in high school. And just for my own memories that girl has a Grandpa named Jon Ronson. That girl's stories of good ole Jon Ronson has kept us laughing. Middle sister is tired of hearing about Jon and has a Grandpa of her own now named Mute. There's never a dull moment. With a big family there is always something shaking but even with just a Little Bit there's never ever a dull moment. Oh how I wish I was like Jon Ronson and was never tired. Tomorrow is going to be a doozy.

Ephesians 6 so full of greatness but loved these for laying down my head. May this be so for all of us. Thankful for each of you dear friends.

"Peace be with you, dear brothers and sisters, and may God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ give you love with faithfulness. May God's grace be eternally upon all who love our Lord Jesus Christ."
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭6:23-24‬ ‭NLT‬‬


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Tuesday, August 01, 2017

I'm Back!

So the internet break was an epic fail. There's several reasons for that but probably mostly bc my brain has been re wired and I'm a dopamine addict. Interestingly enough I knew I'd be more likely to have an addictive personality as a kid. A couple of my kids have recognized that in themselves already as well. I find that interesting but not shocking. Hurray for ADHD! 

So what have I been up to the last several weeks? Not journaling and reading from my physical bible. I haven't knocked out the stack of books on my night stand either. I'm hoping the fall and a slightly older itty bitty will give rise to some writing, reading from a physical bible, solitude, and reading real books. I'm so ready for fall. 

Our house is crazy right now which is making me feel extra distracted as well. We are in the process of making a family closet and reorganizing rooms. It's massively overwhelming. So much stuff. Minimalism sounds more and more appealing every day. I need to send all my kids away to camp states away for several weeks to get it all done. Instead we'll live with the crazy and I'll take deep breathes knowing one day the chaos will be well worth it. 

In addition to reorganizing bedrooms we are trying to eat better. I'm just going to assume that all of us have the MTHFR gene mutation. The attention issues alone are a huge reason to eat real food. I am happy to say that we have figured out breakfast. I'm pretty sure we are on the verge of having our first loaf of fresh sour dough bread. Once we get the hang of the bread making we'll just make our own bread and skip the store bought bread. We are about to hit production crazy for several weeks for Anne of Green Gables so dinner might be sketchy but at least we can hang onto breakfast till fall hits. 

I am feeling spiritually dry these days. I think overall I feel incredibly distracted and our lack of a normal routine has my head spinning as well. It's been a crazy couple of years but I feel we are finally on the verge of thriving. I am craving a simple and quite life more and more. Work and pray. Simple and beautiful. And maybe sometimes jump in with both feet and do a lovely RPL production. I'm so excited about Green Gables. There is so much muchness about it. It means so much to the people who wrote it and has added back a sparkle of life for one. Oh Jesus that they would know the true light in this world. 

Dwelling on this lately as I continue to mull over the Church. 

"Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. For there is one body and one Spirit, just as you have been called to one glorious hope for the future."
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭4:2-4‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I want the bold verses written on our walls. Oh Father this house is a prideful bunch. Please in your mercy and your grace humble our hearts and may it start in my own heart. 

On Sunday the pastor talked about our desire to build our own kingdoms instead of building the Kingdom. I am ashamed that I have thought so little of other congregations meeting to worship our Lord and pridefully thought I had chosen much wiser places. It has done my heart so good to have attended two places that have actively prayed for the church as a whole. The Bride can be so awful and yet she is so loved that Christ died for her. 

"For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God's word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault."
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭5:25-27‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I've become more and more excited these days thinking about how beautiful the Church will be when sin no longer hinders us and we can be as one. I simply can't fathom how beautiful it will be. 

This verse made me smile tonight as I thought about our friends and the musical band that we should form someday, Sum Bruerras. 

"singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, and making music to the Lord in your hearts."
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭5:19‬ ‭NLT‬‬


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