Wednesday, February 28, 2018

The Unparty

1. Whew! And firstborn's unparty and birthday fun comes to a wrap. I have a twelve year old. I still can't believe it. Thankful to have several hours in a van with a sweet group of girls. I might have made them listen NKOTB for a bit. I remember a Momma in a stage ahead of me telling me how beautiful time in the car driving kids around could be. Tonight I saw a great picture of that. From a car full of your kids friends to a chance to chat with a kid in the front seat there can be great things. I need to seize those moments more.

2. I've got the funk. It's not anything like my hubs but the symptoms are the same. Chest funk and throat on fire. I could sleep for an entire day. That sounds glorious.

3. It's very apparent to me that I am a big fat Israelite complaining about God's provision of manna in the wilderness. God IS providing. Little by little He is but it's still just hard. There's still lots of adjustments and trying to figure it out but God is with me. But it's manna and walking around in the wilderness doesn't feel good. The grumbling and complaining prevents me from seeing the beauty in the difficult.

-My boy who probably needs a best friend more than my other kids has had an opportunity to find a kindred spirit and it's so very obvious that it's the Lord's goodness.

-Birthday girl needed a belt bc her only one broke. When she saw it she made note that God provided for her. May she know that God sees her and provides for the big and the little things.

-Energy wise I didn't think I could do it today. I was pretty hacked and discouraged about it. Yet today He provided just enough to get through the day and my girl feel celebrated. Just imagine if I had trusted this morning instead of grumbled and complained. I am indeed a stubborn one but I know that I'm loved regardless. He knows me and He sees me and for that I'm thankful.


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Tuesday, February 27, 2018


Tired. My girl is twelve. Can't believe it. Good thing I'm too tired to really wrap my head around it. Pretty sure poor hubs has the pneumonia. It's a bummer. A big fat stinking bummer but perspective changes a grumbly heart. So does prayer. Thankful for a change of heart. I happen to be found of laughing rather than crying or crying while I'm laughing. As a wise Nacho Libre once said "life is good."


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Sunday, February 25, 2018

Eek! One More Year!

1. Tomorrow marks the start of our final year till we have an official teenager. Now how in the heck did that happen!? Sometimes it's hard to recognize greatness when you are around it day in and day out but that girl is so amazing. Can't believe I get to be her Momma.

2. Good day but full day. I was a turd rocket this morning trying to get us out the door for church. I was Debbie Downer and wondered why I even tried knowing we would probably be crazy late due to all the mishaps. But we made it and kids helped me divide and conquer and we didn't end up being too crazy late. Caught the whole sermon. It's been pretty great to have grace spoken over me. I thought I did good with the sermon that spurred on with guilt or not to do more and buck up. I'm realizing that just lead me to be self absorbed about what good deeds I was able to accomplish and how I stacked up against others. But remembering that it's all Christ and Christ in me is so good for my heart. Pride and insecurity are in bed together and it's hard to separate them out at times. Either I'm kicking butt and taking names or I'm a total failure and screw up. Not with Christ though. It doesn't have to be either nor should it be.

3. I'm really tired. Really could use some time away from my precious ones. A quite sabbatical sounds glorious. Even now there's still a precious one up but I don't want to talk to kids anymore. My ears are fixin to bleed.

4. Thankful for a beautiful day and lunch with friends.


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Flu Watch 2018

1. It will be interesting to see if this flu strain is what the kids had. It's somewhat similar. Fever comes and goes. Poor hubs is so sick. Does he man cold it up? No, he sucks it up and works. Thankful we'll be out of the house on Monday so he can sleep all day.

2. I'm banking on kimchi to save the day. My sweet neighbors hooked us up with some. They are avid eaters and haven't been sick in years. That's years of being around our plagues and never coming down with anything. Thankfully I actually really like it and could eat a jar of it. My body loves all things fermented.

3. Booked a camping spot for spring break. I heard camping during the time change makes for an easier transition. We'll only hit three nights post change so we'll see.

Argh! Got lost in a camping reservation worm hole!! Wanted to go to Perdenalez Falls in July but waited too long to make a reservation. Boo!!! Oh how glorious Garner looks too. So want to take my kiddos their some summer! I don't even know how far in advance that has to be booked. Eek! But I remember going to Inks Lake as a kid with a friend and it was so fun and there are still reservations available there. So Inks Lake it just might be. Excited to get some camping trips on the books. It had been too long since we had gone camping due to the dark years. But so thankful to get it going again. Being in the created is so good for all of us!

4. Ran some errands with Bitty today. That girl! She is a piece of wonderful work. I can't imagine our lives with out her. I'm so thankful the Lord sustained her when she was itty bitty and so sick. I hate that another family during the same time she was sick and the same age will never experience the joy of their baby being a wonderful four year old.

5. This verse encouraged me today.

"There you and your families will feast in the presence of the Lord your God, and you will rejoice in all you have accomplished because the Lord your God has blessed you."
‭‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭12:7‬ ‭NLT‬‬

The Lord has a purpose in the season of manna in the wilderness. He knew all that He had purposed to give in the Promise Land.


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Friday, February 23, 2018


1. So if my hubs doesn't have the flu then it's something as equally sinister. I hate to be more concerned about my own self preservation than how crappy he feels but it's honest. I can solo parent and go for a decent stretch without being too discouraged. But if we get another round of flu that we didn't acquire out in the wild but rather was brought home to us from out of town, well that seems extra cruel. If it is the same strain we've already had I can't help but think that there's no way I can dodge that bullet twice. I can't help but think that I'm going to go down when he's back out of town. All of my consternation is based on what ifs though. Yet I know Murphy's Law so very very well. Everyday is a Murphy's Law Parade when you have enough kids for a small basketball team. I need some compassion but I also just want to survive. 

2. Bigs is so freaked about everyone being sick on her birthday. Lots of talk about her praying and God not answering. Hate that. I too join her in praying everyone is well enough to celebrate her bday. If anyone else must be sick I pray it's me on my birthday and that my two bigs are both well and can be celebrated whole heartedly. 

3. Lots of drama over talk about the possibility of online school for my two bigs. Oldest is not interested but oldest boy is very interested. He is one out of two of my kiddos who are at least curious about going to school. Bigs was so very angry. Change is so hard for her. I'm still not thrilled about the idea of being tied down to somebody else's schedule. I'm not a rule follower and too much on the calendar makes me want to hyperventilate. I need freedom! But the very structured routine would probably bless that boy in particular. Lots more prayer headed our way. 

4. Manna. 
"Yes, he humbled you by letting you go hungry and then feeding you with manna, a food previously unknown to you and your ancestors. He did it to teach you that people do not live by bread alone; rather, we live by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord."
‭‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭8:3‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Feel like we are in a long season of manna. This is the Lord's mic drop to me in regards to my entitled fit throwing that I do. So good and yet so hard for this spoiled brat. 


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Whole New World

1. Thankful for kids old enough to stay home by themselves. Was giddy to be able to escape with the baby tonight w/friends. Nothing like a bowl of queso shared among those you love. It's the best.

2. Trying to figure out and continue to explore school options for next year. Online classical school sounds really amazing. Being tied to a public school schedule doesn't. But a classical education sounds like an amazing opportunity. It's the stuff spendy private schools are made of. I know not all of my kids will be classical education kids but my bigs is really bright. But there is so much to an education that I hope and long for my kids. As crazy as our days can be maybe there are some things best learned in other ways. Prayer needed for sure. Some days school for everyone sounds dreamy.

3. Think it might be time to see a neurologist for one of my kiddos. He called himself a bad boy. He's been struggling for sure and it's hard to know fully when he's truly struggling or manipulating the situation. I suppose if there is manipulation at times there's a reason and some sort of need behind it. BUT if Meds could help and bring some sanity and focus and some ease then I can't argue with that. The kid is so smart and funny and man I don't want to spend our days together battling of stupid things. Why can't these kids come with a manual?

4. Going to be a long night with one of my kiddos. Huzzah!

5. If there's any wonder about God's extravagant love for His people Deut definitely takes care of that.

Tired. Sad for my kiddo who is struggling hard tonight and dealing with my own squirrels who are apparently having a rave tonight.


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Wednesday, February 21, 2018

Let’s Not Sugar Coat This

1. I'm not going to sugar coat it, every single day is incredibly hard. There is no way to ever get caught up on the work that needs to get done daily much less dig myself out of the deficit. It's defeating at times but when I have eyes that see all that fades. When I have eyes that see I look at eight beautiful faces and my heart swells to almost bursting and I realize how rich and how blessed I am. It's hard to hold onto that in the midst of the crazy every day but I'm so thankful. Crazy thankful.

2. Fell into a homeschool wormhole last night as I was trying to figure out a game plan for seventh grade. Seventh grade!!! How in the world did that happen? I swear it was just yesterday I was wrapping my head around kinder and now Jr. High. I can't even! We've got a lot of math to catch up on but overall feeling good about Jr. High and my girl being ready to crush High School. So fast. It all goes so very fast.

3. Weary today with one of my kiddos. I don't want to but I may have to wave the white flag and put that boy on Meds. Going to try cardio and homeopathy again and see if we can take some more edge off. He's learning and smart and he's really fun. He's a really fun kid when I'm not having to battle him. Combined ADHD can be such a freaking whip.

4. Tonight I'm thankful that the Lord is faithful even when I'm absolutely not. He continues to smooth my rough edges and is continuing to do the good work He begun in me. It doesn't feel that way on a daily basis but I know He is and I'm thankful.


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Tuesday, February 20, 2018

Hands Full

1. Love my crew but they do indeed keep my hands full. I wore out too quickly today and was a grumpy bear late afternoon. Thankful for a girl who can make dinner that pleases the masses.

2. Need to gain some perspective for the upcoming days as I feel the weariness of solo parenting setting in. Hiding in a closet and eating sugar free chocolate doesn't quiet cut it after awhile but it's close.

3. I do have much to be thankful for. I wish had time to think but these days are full are lately I can't even stay up late enough for all to be still.


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Monday, February 19, 2018

Exhaustion Takes Over

Back on the Keto wagon after Austin Maudie's Fest. Feeling less achy and puffy today but definitely feeling the effects. Thankful for an easy fix to feel better but since I love food a little too much it's also a little sad. I still have stuff to work out so I'm thinking Whole 30 in the mix would be good. I was listening to something nutty last night and heard that lots of foods have molds in them. Peanuts and pistachios are like mold central. Ewwww! The sorting out of the food thing can seem overwhelming at times but one change at a time. I wouldn't mind if there was chocolate cake in heaven though.

Another day of glorious coop. Really like the mix of kids in my classes this year. Really like this one kid a lot. Super creative and just fun and it's his last semester before he graduates. Glad to experience one last semester with that kid.

I have been passing out lately. I don't know if it's detoxing from chips and salsa land or what but can't keep my eyes open much past ten. My kids were up much later than I last night. They were hurting this morning and I was not. Glorious!

I really have nothing of importance today. Just surviving and trying to enjoy and take each moment for what it is. This life is so hard but there is beauty to be had everywhere.


Saturday, February 17, 2018

Too Many Thoughts

I have had way too many thoughts run through my head the past 24-48 hours. I'm too exhausted to try to sort them out at all. Today I'm thankful for simple joys. —Bacon and eggs.
Watching a precious little boy dance.
Eight kiddos around a kitchen table.
A family who makes traditions and draws people together and cares about those in the margins.
A friend to drink balancing elixirs with.
Children who see those who need a friend.
A sassy almost twelve year old who is such an amazing blessing to me.
For children chanting eat it.
For grace and unexpected moments of joy that can be had when not looking for red bows but taking this world as it is.
For grace to have new perspective and for the power of love that changes all things.
For the Lord who is not safe but who ultimately is good, oh so very good.


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Friday, February 16, 2018

Off The Wagon

1. Couldn't be "good" at Maudie's and fell off the Keto wagon. I'm feeling it. Headaches back with a vengeance and I feel puffy and yuck. Boo! Now to endure the carb flu once more but maybe I'll learn my dang lesson.

2. So good to get out of the grind. Good perspective and I realize how myopic I have been. Hopefully I can write out some thoughts tomorrow.

3. Brene and Manning on my way home. Interesting how there was much overlap. Definitely ties into being stuck in a myopic state regarding life or rather the doldrums of life.

4. My head is killing me. Oh how I had missed chips and salsa though. Wondering if I'm more in pain from gluten. Booooo!!!!!

5. So crazy thankful for today and time away from the everyday. Much needed and so grateful.

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Wednesday, February 14, 2018

Worlds Collide

So interesting to practically be on campus with my eight kids. Never in a trillion years would I have guessed I would have eight kids. I would not have believed it if anybody had told me or I would have been terrified. The world of the college days seems like many moons ago. Ah but how lovely it is to be back in this city. I do love it and though I see it's pockets of Big D it's a total different feel.

It's been interesting approaching our visit as more of a tourist. I had never been to Camp Mabry and I had never been inside and really taken in all the greatness of the Capital building. It's actually convicted me of approaching the city I live in as a tourist. Big D isn't my dream city. It's just not my vibe and I think there are some serious pitfalls that are super easy to get trapped in here. BUT there's some amazing things to see and do and explore. Huge metroplex with unlimited room for adventure. We love an adventure! Sometimes that adventure end with blueberries spilled everywhere and a sweet little baby grabbing a very expensive floral arrangement and causing it to crash on the ground all while in line to check out groceries. I'd like to say this was the first crazy experience like this but it's just one little blip in a long line of life adventures. Gotta take the good with the bad. Along with our Central Market debacle I hope they remember rolling down the hills in front of the capital building. That's life!

Taking the good with the bad. I think the best part of this trip is remembering that the good comes with the bad but He has a plan even in the bad. The story isn't finished. He's redeeming and restoring and I can't look at things half baked and think I have any idea of what's going on. They were ready to stone Joshua and Caleb and wailed about not being able to go back to Egypt. I know I'm just like those stuff necked Israelites. I want to go back to Egypt instead of the Promised Land. I've seen His wonders in the past but I quickly forget. I am thankful the Lord is so gracious and patient with me.


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Tuesday, February 13, 2018


1. It's good to be back in the wonderful city of Austin. It's crazy being here with eight children though! Whole different experience. In some ways I feel like I'm visiting for the very first time. The only thing missing is some glorious spring weather.

2. Went to Camp Mabry today. Had no idea you could even go there! So much Texas history in a museum there. Totally going over Texas History next year! Kept think of a certain young man who is a total military buff. We all agreed he would have thought the place was super cool. Mudgey again had a hard time dealing with life and was quite the pill today. He took a nap and is still up partying. Goodness these Brown kids!

3. Good food day where kiddos ate GF Fat Tuesday cakes at Kerbey Lane and the kids finally went to Maudie's and learned where their parents love grew and grew over Tex Mex.

4. Moses humbleness sticking with me from reading last night. Moses talked face to face with God. Pretty remarkable.


Kimchi, Threenager, and Dentist Adventures

1. I'm sold on kimchi. My neighbors have found the elixir of health and I'm in darn it!

2. Long day. Started off with coop and then took my four littlest to the dentist to take care of Betty's abscessed tooth. It's pulled and spacer put in. She's a brave little lady. I wrangled angry threenager who needed a nap, with Cally on my back while trying to talk to the dentist about all the crazy going on in Bitty's mouth. She's like Lukey, I hope. Lots of money went into his mouth early on but now his adult teeth and looking fabulous!! For whatever reason their enamel didn't form correctly so she has a mouth full of angry teeth. Was hoping her four front teeth would go before we needed to do something but unfortunately there's lots of root left which means she's got a couple years left and I don't think they are going to make it that long. I think I'm going to encourage my children to be dentists. All that to say, I really do love our dentist and thankful for their conservative approach. Oh just for grins and giggles Mudgey was loosing his mind while we were checking out and I discovered Lilly had peed in the dentist chair when they pulled her tooth. It's a circus! Oh how I love my crazy circus!!

3. I was a grumpy troll this AM. Hate it!! Thankful for grace.

4. Made it to Austin. Kids did a lot of work to get us here and our sweet neighbors are watching our fur friends. Thankful to be here. The last hour was rough with a trio of crying littles. Traveling is much harder when you are strapped in a car seat and can't just bounce around in the backseat.

5. Oh man am I tired. Going to prop my eyes open with sticks and read more Numbers.


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Sunday, February 11, 2018

I’m Not Going To Say It

Three strong Brown Children have stomachs of steel and survived the Grand Stomach Bug Of 2018. My hubs even got it and after being home less than 48 hours. I'm still weak at the knees today but hopefully tomorrow will be back to normalish tomorrow. Long day tomorrow so need to be!

Been hearing a lot of people getting both strains of flu this year I'd like to say we are done with the funk but I'm not holding my breath. Immunity building for the next several years!

Tired and I'm not feeling Numbers tonight. The jealous husband bit always gets me. First off it just seems so completely out of place and second of all it's just so one sided. So much I simply do not understand and I know there is culture stuff going on that I'm missing. But it feels obnoxious. But ultimately do I trust the Lord is good. It always comes down to this. I want to, with all my heart I do. Hard to get past the baggage sometimes though.


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Saturday, February 10, 2018

Can’t Win Them All

So I missed getting the flu but won the puke bug lotto. It was a wild night with one kid having night terrors, two kids and a Momma hugging the porcelain throne. I hate that my hubs day home was spent the way it was but I don't know how I would have managed last night while being sick myself. Today would have been a nightmare. I woke up again feeling so crazy defeated but amazing what a day in bed and being able to sleep off and on will do for a Momma. Yes I might have watched Parenthood all day too.

Lots to do tomorrow to prepare for Monday. Makes me feel a tad bit overwhelmed but hoping I wake up not feeling so dizzy and weak at the knees. Surely we are over the sick nonsense after this. If we come down with something else I might loose my mind.

Numbers tonight. Numbering of the people. Interesting that Levites couldn't work till 30.


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Friday, February 09, 2018

I ❤️ My Bed

It feels so good to be in bed. In fact, I don't even have the words to describe how fantastic it is. And per usual there are now two screaming kids in my room. I so want to scream with them. I'm all kinds of tired and I fear I am about to go down with the other pukers. If only I could sleep through it.

Bitty cried off and on all night long and Cally felt like he was running a fever. My sweet precious Boo is so upset and wanting Mommy time right now but I just can't do it.

Love the themes of rest and restoration the Lord weaves into His law.

Bigs is the latest to fall. She's handling it so incredibly well. I unfortunately think it means another long night. Hope not.


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Thursday, February 08, 2018

Glad It’s Over

Woke up this morning to another puking child. That's always the very best way to wake up. Thankfully she ate GF Brownies last night so it wasn't horrible at all. For bonus fun I slept through the first round and she moved and her sister was sleeping in it. Needless to say I started the day off feeling pretty darn defeated before ever getting out of bed. I tried hard to find joy. Gratitude that I was bathing a child who was only sick and not chronically ill from something like cancer. This flu and stomach bug business back to back while completely obnoxious will pass. What I am more doubtful about is whether or not this season will ever pass.

Overwhelmed was the huge theme today. Everything seemed so glaring today. OCD, dyslexia, traveling husband, abscessed tooth, spread thin, all the littles needing something, the middles neglected and not enough gas for the big ones. I haven't eaten since breakfast but getting up and doing anything about it seems ridiculous. I've fallen asleep several times already but littles keep waking me up, especially my poor sweet Bitty. Going to be another long night. Poor baby girl is so sick.

But tonight trying to remember this too shall pass and I'm clinging to how wonderful it is to know His mercies are new every morning.

Love how God had so many festivals to celebrate and observe as well as the importance He placed on Sabbath. I think we are all messed up simply bc we don't observe His command to rest. Lord guide us in observing the Sabbath. My soul needs it and I know you know that full well.


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Wednesday, February 07, 2018

Goodness Gracious!

1. I need a vacation. Hubs going to McSwanky fancy pants island in South Carolina in April and I'm on a mission to join him and call it Anniversary.

2. So very tired. Puking kid in the wee hours of the morning which caused a chain reaction of awesomeness. Must have picked something up on Monday or at the dr office or my hubs is carry stuff home to us. Either way it's obnoxious and lack of sleep makes me want to scream. I do not think I can deal with a stomach bug making its rounds. I'm hoping the funk a few of us have already had counts for at least five of us.

3. More Leviticus. My brain is not working much. So much left to do to finish off the day. My poor Mudgey wants to be held all day but so does his baby brother.

4. So thankful for an amazing daughter who made the hooligans dinner.

5. Thankful tomorrow is a brand new day.

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Monday, February 05, 2018

Gravy Train

This may be one of the most gravy train semesters at coop. My classes have a good mix of kids which I think will make for a lot of fun. My kids had a great day. Two of my boys are taking Abacus Math and I'm hoping it might be another way to approach math that will stick with my working memory kiddo. The other was so jazzed about showing everyone how it worked and was doing math for fun. Amazing how they are all wired so very differently. Loved hearing their excited stories today. But alas even gravy boats must go to bed after a long day of being back out in the wild as a family.

The scapegoat is such an interesting concept. So thankful that because of Jesus we can come directly before the Lord. I take that for granted. But the vast amounts of blood that was shed daily to make atonement for sum had to be staggering.


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1. Leviticus winning me over with skin diseases and discharge. How gracious of the Lord thought to teach His children about sanitation and cleanliness, physical and spiritual. He is indeed a good Father.

2. Up too late. Coop tomorrow.


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Sunday, February 04, 2018

Fevah Free?

1. Think we may be finally fever free. Cally might be rockin a slight one. No apparent signs of respiratory funk so pretty confident it's a dumb ear infection. Not as cranky today but a stinker tonight.

2. Whole new world with bigs babysitting. Went to go see Les Miserables. Too bad Cally didn't quite cooperate.

3. Aaron's sons being struck down due to not using censors correctly is so hard to read. All of it is hard. The Lord is holy and I can get it but I could also see myself in that position messing it up bc of just not being great at details.

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Saturday, February 03, 2018

And The Flu Goes On Forever And The Infections Never End!

1. Worn out by the sweetest little 15 pounder around. My poor little dude has shifted to baby cling on to crying in pain. He's feeling slightly warm tonight. Ugh!!!! But think it's a combination of maybe a red hot ear infection and stomach funk. He had some mean reflux and has been grabbing at his ears. Hopefully some garlic oil will hit the spot and tomorrow his tummy will settle. His little tummy seems a tad better already thank you homeopathy. I was skeptical too until I used it several times for mastitis and clogged ducts and people I'm telling you it was a wonder drug! Placebo or not I don't care if it works. So eye of newt it is!!

2. Belly Boo still running a fever. Poor little pumpkin is sweet as can be running around with her little sick eyes. Ready for her to be well again.

3. Bigs doing better but still low energy and steroids have kicked in and she's sad mad. But really more weepy than anything.

4. I would love a big bowl of chips and queso.

5. Kinda listened to Leviticus 4-7 while I was scared to move and wake up a baby who might start screaming again. Details of the different kinds of sacrifices hard to absorb tonight.

6. It's going to be so exciting when everyone in our tribe is well again.


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Thursday, February 01, 2018

Alright Flu You Win

So over the stupid flu. Having some still recovering with a couple wild boys is not very much fun. Cabin fever for us all!

Bigs woke up last night feeling awful. Once I got the snot rocket baby back to sleep I went to check on her and realized her fever spiked again after being gone for awhile. Never a great sign. Took her in and thankfully only at the very beginning of pneumonia. Dr was great and I think we've nipped it before it got yuck. Sweet friend let us borrow a pulse ox which is great for helping my bigs with her anxiety and is helpful for me to know if I should take others in. Boo has had a funky sounding cough and I've had my eye on her. Thankful to have Pulse Ox Thummin to know if I need to take her in to be seen.

Thankful for a sweet friend who dropped off an early bday present to bring some cheer to my "I'm going to go crazy locked up in this house" kinda day. Seeing her beautiful face was indeed like spreading a little Christmas cheer.

I do need to get out of this house the next two days. I need ten minutes to have a complete thought or even just a change of scenery. We're home bound for a few days as bigs recovers. I'm thankful we haven't had any crazy steroid crazy yet.

Leviticus tonight. I have developed a better appreciation for Leviticus over the years.

So tired and scattered.


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